It was Sunday and I was sitting in church with my dad. We had arrived extremely late because my father arrives late to EVERYTHING. I was embarrassed so we chose to sit in the back. It was the "Announcement" portion of the program which was usually when I stopped paying attention. I think I was just starting to doze off when I heard my name. "....Tasha McCormack has not been well for several weeks after she endured a major surgical procedure." After I jumped up, I realized that someone was at the pulpit putting all of my business out there for the congregation to see. I was mortified to say the least. I instantly pinched my father.
ME: "Daddy, did you tell him to do this? Why is he saying all of this"
DADDY: "No, I just told them to put you on the prayer list"
I have to admit that my father looked like a helpless puppy. He knew that his prayer request had gone horribly wrong and I could tell that he was sorry. I knew it came from a good place so I calmed down. When the service ended, we went downstairs to our parish hall for coffee hour. I could barely exit the stairwell before I was swarmed by a crowd of concerned people. By the time I escaped the crowd, I was almost in tears. It was wonderful that they cared about me but I also felt like they pitied me and I hated it. When I was told that I had an illness, pity was one of my biggest fears and it seemed like it was coming true. All of the sad looks and the endless questions about my health made me so upset that I was even upset with God. I remember thinking "I've been praying extra hard to you since this happened and you pull this? I don't want anybody to know. I don't want people to feel sorry for me!" I was ANGRY. So angry that I didn't even look at the situation for what it really was. A wake-up call.
Looking back I think God was trying to tell me something. God wanted me to realize that I wasn't going to be able to hide my illness from everyone, especially those who cared for me. He also wanted me to realize that genuine concern isn't always accompanied by pity. Basically, I didn't need to feel like that. It was literally all LOVE.
This time in my life also marked a major milestone in regards to my spirituality. I began to pray like crazy when I was sick which helped me develop an amazing relationship with God that I didn't have before. I truly began to trust Him. Don't get me wrong. I always believed in God and went to church but I wasn't fully connected until I was forced to lean on Him. Developing that deep connection was probably one of the greatest rewards of my MS diagnosis. Reward? From a disease? Yea, I said it (LOL). You'd be surprised at how certain bad situations bring life to great situations. In my case, I gained a better understanding of my spirituality. I began to talk to God, listen to God, and follow God more. Even though I was put on blast in His house, I knew that He had my back. And that is all that matters.
UNTIL NEXT TIME!
STAY TUNED AND STAY FEARLESS